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TANYG lost his dreams 5:37 AMWow.. Holidays are almost over, and it seemed yesterday when i was still sitting in school chionging O level paper..
Now in 3-4 more days, on the 11th of january, the O level results will come out.
Finished watching Clannad anime! It was great! A super sad anime.
Lots of tissue was wasted, so un-eco friendly.
But the anime was great, i recommend it, cause its super sad.
I guess, the O's results, i should really start worry about it.
What if i can't get the results i want..
I guess there's no use worrying..
Nyaa.. Need to go school.. for the last time..
Surely gonna miss it.
TANYG lost his dreams 10:00 AM
Was back like one or two weeks ago.. =_=...
It's just that i was lazy to tag.. hahaha..
Anyways.. something happened today..
I know i rarely have my own feelings..
More clearly u can say i might be devoid of feelings.
Maybe.. Haha..
Two people had a tiff.. and it was only *partially* because of me..
Amazing.. O_o..
I didn't know can partially de.
Anyways, i know the whole situation so it can be solved, i think..
I SMS one of them.. telling to say something..
I expect a reply from the person..
I really do want a reply. hahaha.
Anyways.. Go sleep le.
And, thanks to yucheng who helped to like "celebrate" my birthday with me!
Haha, Bryce too. XD
TANYG lost his dreams 6:14 AM
I guess i feel more carefree now. :)
Gala and the chalet are both over le.
Haha, had an okay time for both events.
I almost lost trust in anyone completely for the last few weeks.
Luckily, i know everything now, so there's no reason to avoid anymore.
Hahaha, my blog isn't safe for me to write my secrets anymore.
So i guess i would just keep everything that happens to myself. :P
Bah.. but my memory always fails me, without writing a blog,
How do i remember what happens nowadays?
I guess it's just society isn't simple anymore. HAHA!
Okay now that i just came back from chalet, I took a long 4 hour nap.
And then i realised, woah, its gonna be boring after 4th DEC.
Bleh.. gotta find something to do.. Work? Haha, i might do that..
I'm going holiday during the 28th of NOV (sat) till 4th of DEC (fri).
Blah.. going hokkaido.. its nice BUT BUT!!
Nobody would celebrate my birthday with me.. Bleh..
I guess thats what u get for having ur birthday on a school holiday.
Haiz.. really want somebody to celebrate my birthday for me..
Be it before 28th NOV, WHICH IS TOMORROW!
Or after 4th DEC, as long as i receive a present or people to celebrate with me, i'm happy.
Sheesh.. Why can't somebody just like call me now and tell me to go celebrate my birthday with them tomorrow as an early celebration.. =_=lll
Bah!!
Wei Xuan's so lucky.. Today's her birthday and jasmine, rachael and sama are celebrating for her..
Blah.. i guess i will get no one except my family to celebrate my b'dae with me. Haha.
Okay.. now i would like to tell you all my birthday wish!
Since i will be at ryusei-no-taki falls on my birthday..
My wish is to become ryuusei no rockman and save the world!
Blah..A childish wish eh?Not planning to change my childish character so soon.
So too bad.. Haha!
Not sure when my next post would be..
Maybe after my holidaes or when someone decided to celebrate my b'day with me.. Yeah right.. fat chance.. Haha XP
TANYG lost his dreams 10:39 AM
Too much things are happening.
I gave the book.
I know i'm too compulsive sometimes, can't really control myself at times.
I dunno.. too tired, the reason that i'm tired?.. i dunno..
He who might be sarcastic, or perhaps even gloating now.
These acts are childish small boy, GROW UP.
I still don't know the answer, and maybe i don't really want to know.
Or maybe i already knew the answer.
This made me mature i guess..
TANYG lost his dreams 8:31 PM
The sky never seemed so dark before, the rain didn't bring me this much warmth before.
3 days to O levels end, should i be happy?
Everything, IT JUST DOESN'T ADD UP!! One side says this and brings me confidence, the other side just brings me the doubt of everything i don't know!!
It just hurts.. the weird feeling i'm having, i just can't explain it like i usually do..
I know everything.. partly everything.. or maybe i dun even know anything.. The half truth just brings more pain..
It's ending, the real truth is coming, i might be able to accept it, but probably i won't. So.. hahahahaha..
Walking in the rain.. it does not feel cold anymore.. but the loneliness brings me warmth..Somehow..
It clears me of all my doubts.. Keep raining, i don't mind..
Labels: A day full of sadness TANYG lost his dreams 9:33 AMBlogging for important reasons, for memories sake, for me to know that, in the past, how great my life have been.
I didn't feel anything at the start of the day, it's when really during the ceremony then i felt that we are really leaving each other..
I didn't feel any happiness even when i got 1st in class..
Sorry to those that are happy that i got first in class, i'm sorry for not being able to be happy, the happiness just can't erase my sadness of leaving everyone..
When the end comes, its a new beginning..
But why must it end in the first place?
It took me 4 years and i finally opened myself to everyone,
start to know a lot of friends.
I started to change, changing from that old, selfish, self-centred me to a newly transformed me.
I just can't face the future positively, i have to enter a poly or jc.. probably alone..
It took me a really hard time to make such dear precious friends to me in these years.
Now it's like deleting a save data of a game when you are already that far.
Time can't turn back, there will be memories, but we can't get back to the way we used to be..
The start, what if it's a bad one for me? What if i get bullied in a new school?
Or if nobody helps me and i lock my feelings up in my new jc or poly?
I'm scared, again, like the first day i went to primary school, even secondary school..
I did have to change a bit to adjust to my secondary school life, what if i'm unable to cope with other changes?
What i really want ain't my grades, its for everyone to be together, is it like.. that hard?
I'm glad to have a lot of precious friends with me now, those that can accept me, my weird character, my amazing switch from quietness and noisyness at different times..
It took me tremendous courage to enter Nabil, Dylan and Rohan's group during sec 1, I'm afraid i won't fit in.. the future, my guiding light is fading away..
It is not the same anymore..
I don't think the jc/poly teachers would take care of me as well as the teachers do now..
I need support, both emotionally and psychologically.. Breaking down soon..
I'm crying.. Sad.. Memories.. Things are gone just when you're getting used to them..
Everything will fade away, like dust.. i can't stop them.. i just.. don't have the power to..
Without my friends.. nothing would be the same anymore..
I just wanna let those who are seeing these know that.. you all are very precious to me, supporting me in more ways than one.. that i wanna thank you all.. thank you!
I can't let go.. There's a problem with me.. It wasn't like that in primary school..
I have only a small amount of friends there, i even ran home to play maple during the day of collecting PSLE slip.
I think that is why this is dealing so much of a blow to me..
Why am i even crying when typing, i dunno.. but tears just flows down..
We can come back for some occasional gatherings.. but you sure we still can have a close relationship like now?...
There's still O levels, gala and our chalet!... Is what i'm trying to console myself with.. But it's..not..working.. The sadness just builds up...Crying silently, trying to not wake my parents up from their sleep...
I guess.. this is the real meaning of true friendship.. something that i really didn't have in the past... Making me lost, confused and in a dilemma.. Its not something my heart is adapted to.. I feel heart-torn.. All that becomes memories, i have bad memory skills, i cannot even remember who is my sec 1 co-form teacher.. It's sad.. "i'm missing something", is what i will say in the future, indicating the memories that i will forget about now.. It hurts more when u know u're missing something but u don't know what it is... I can't.. stop.. the tears..
I can continue crying all night long.. but i will stop now.. i will just show some pics which was taken today at the graduation ceremony.
/\ Some of my great guy friends who helped me alot and ms ng bak hong for teaching me great english!
/\ class 4E5 with our form teacher Mr irving ng, although not really close to everyone.. but the pain in my heart is still there..
/\ Huei Juin!.. Can't bully her in the future anymore.. It was like so fun calling her name instead if Ms Ku..
/\Us and physics teacher Mr lim meng tong.. His jokes.. can't forget about them..
/\ Our class and biology teacher Mr Alwin Njoo, he really helped our class a lot.. Only Ms chua, Huei juin, and mr njoo that i am able to really regard them as friends friends, not teachers.. They are like really close.. It.. i'm crying again...
The real world, one full of darkness, betrayal and backstabbing. One that everyone will step into.. Handling it would be my greatest problem..
Sorry, i mean i should be happy about graduating..
Everyone! work hard for O's okay? If fate allows, lets still meet each other in jc/poly.
Nothing will stop us now, we will strive hard.. maintain our goal..
Maybe i will go cycling randomly tomorrow, by the sea perhaps? To relieve some of my feelings.
I met you for four years, you had taken me out of my shell and is concern of me at times. I can't stand the thought of us not being able to see each other anymore.. You will have your life, i will have mine, if we are able to ever cross paths, lets hope that we would be happy together. .I'm trying very hard.. to get friendly with you again. .. Don't forget me, ever, will you? Please?? ..
TANYG lost his dreams 8:03 AM
The grades ah.. not really good leh.. But ehm, i should really say i improved. XD
Those C.science, Bio, etc etc, i got B3 instead of those marks before that la.
Better than mid year's marks. Hahaha lucky!
But yeap, counted the L1R5, roughly like 17? Super high.. =_=..
Well, anyways, went to Changi Airport with begga today! Hahaha.
Well, what i can say that it is better than staying at home rotting and playing games.
Go there to study.. Not bad actually, quite nice to study.. maybe should go there study more.
BuT! What i can say is that i studied lesser den begga, whoa, she's amazing, can study non-stop de.
Ah, first time went out to study, quite fun la.
Memorable one la. Hahaha
Okay lah, ready to sleep liao good night!
Those three words i wanna say, such easy words, yet so hard to say.
