Whereever i go, at least i know, i always have myself.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Blogging for important reasons, for memories sake, for me to know that, in the past, how great my life have been.
I didn't feel anything at the start of the day, it's when really during the ceremony then i felt that we are really leaving each other..
I didn't feel any happiness even when i got 1st in class..
Sorry to those that are happy that i got first in class, i'm sorry for not being able to be happy, the happiness just can't erase my sadness of leaving everyone..
When the end comes, its a new beginning..
But why must it end in the first place?
It took me 4 years and i finally opened myself to everyone,
start to know a lot of friends.
I started to change, changing from that old, selfish, self-centred me to a newly transformed me.
I just can't face the future positively, i have to enter a poly or jc.. probably alone..
It took me a really hard time to make such dear precious friends to me in these years.
Now it's like deleting a save data of a game when you are already that far.
Time can't turn back, there will be memories, but we can't get back to the way we used to be..
The start, what if it's a bad one for me? What if i get bullied in a new school?
Or if nobody helps me and i lock my feelings up in my new jc or poly?
I'm scared, again, like the first day i went to primary school, even secondary school..
I did have to change a bit to adjust to my secondary school life, what if i'm unable to cope with other changes?
What i really want ain't my grades, its for everyone to be together, is it like.. that hard?
I'm glad to have a lot of precious friends with me now, those that can accept me, my weird character, my amazing switch from quietness and noisyness at different times..
It took me tremendous courage to enter Nabil, Dylan and Rohan's group during sec 1, I'm afraid i won't fit in.. the future, my guiding light is fading away..
It is not the same anymore..
I don't think the jc/poly teachers would take care of me as well as the teachers do now..
I need support, both emotionally and psychologically.. Breaking down soon..
I'm crying.. Sad.. Memories.. Things are gone just when you're getting used to them..
Everything will fade away, like dust.. i can't stop them.. i just.. don't have the power to..
Without my friends.. nothing would be the same anymore..
I just wanna let those who are seeing these know that.. you all are very precious to me, supporting me in more ways than one.. that i wanna thank you all.. thank you!
I can't let go.. There's a problem with me.. It wasn't like that in primary school..
I have only a small amount of friends there, i even ran home to play maple during the day of collecting PSLE slip.
I think that is why this is dealing so much of a blow to me..
Why am i even crying when typing, i dunno.. but tears just flows down..
We can come back for some occasional gatherings.. but you sure we still can have a close relationship like now?...
There's still O levels, gala and our chalet!... Is what i'm trying to console myself with.. But it's..not..working.. The sadness just builds up...Crying silently, trying to not wake my parents up from their sleep...
I guess.. this is the real meaning of true friendship.. something that i really didn't have in the past... Making me lost, confused and in a dilemma.. Its not something my heart is adapted to.. I feel heart-torn.. All that becomes memories, i have bad memory skills, i cannot even remember who is my sec 1 co-form teacher.. It's sad.. "i'm missing something", is what i will say in the future, indicating the memories that i will forget about now.. It hurts more when u know u're missing something but u don't know what it is... I can't.. stop.. the tears..
I can continue crying all night long.. but i will stop now.. i will just show some pics which was taken today at the graduation ceremony.

/\ Some of my great guy friends who helped me alot and ms ng bak hong for teaching me great english!

/\ class 4E5 with our form teacher Mr irving ng, although not really close to everyone.. but the pain in my heart is still there..

/\ Huei Juin!.. Can't bully her in the future anymore.. It was like so fun calling her name instead if Ms Ku..

/\Us and physics teacher Mr lim meng tong.. His jokes.. can't forget about them..

/\ Our class and biology teacher Mr Alwin Njoo, he really helped our class a lot.. Only Ms chua, Huei juin, and mr njoo that i am able to really regard them as friends friends, not teachers.. They are like really close.. It.. i'm crying again...

The real world, one full of darkness, betrayal and backstabbing. One that everyone will step into.. Handling it would be my greatest problem..
Sorry, i mean i should be happy about graduating..
Everyone! work hard for O's okay? If fate allows, lets still meet each other in jc/poly.
Nothing will stop us now, we will strive hard.. maintain our goal..
Maybe i will go cycling randomly tomorrow, by the sea perhaps? To relieve some of my feelings.
I met you for four years, you had taken me out of my shell and is concern of me at times. I can't stand the thought of us not being able to see each other anymore.. You will have your life, i will have mine, if we are able to ever cross paths, lets hope that we would be happy together. .I'm trying very hard.. to get friendly with you again. .. Don't forget me, ever, will you? Please?? ..

Labels: A day full of sadness

TANYG lost his dreams 9:33 AM

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